Planning to move 1,000 miles again is hard.
Planning to move 1,000 miles away with depression riding piggy back style on your shoulders sometimes feels impossible.
I’m currently planning to move from Indianapolis to Austin, TX and my emotions are constantly oscillating from productive, motivated, and excited, to so overwhelmed I want to sit in my closet until they kick me out of my apartment at the end of my lease.
My biggest fear is that I’ll make this huge change, go on this huge journey, and nothing will be any different. I’m scared I won’t find any friends or make any connections, and I’ll be left just as alone and isolated as I feel here. And I’m scared of what would happen to me if that fear was realized.
Luckily, thanks to one of my favorite authors and bloggers, Jenny Lawson, I know that DEPRESSION LIES. So I’m doing what I can to keep my head above water and not let the bad thoughts win.
It may seem silly, and of course everyone is different in how they handle self-care, but here are some of the things I do when I feel like the darkness creeping in and need to push through it for just one more day:
1. I listen to or watch stand up comedy. – It’s impossible to stay in a bad mood while laughing hysterically….some of my favorites are Kevin Hart, Jen Kirkman, Sarah Colonna, and Jim Gaffigan.
2. I read things by people who understand what I’m going through. – My go-to books on anything mental health related that can also make me smile are Furiously Happy, by Jenny Lawson and Agorafabulous, by Sara Benincasa.
3. I do something that makes me smile. – This is a little more broad and can be anything from going to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie to exercising my petty side and putting “Love Trumps Hate” notes in all of the Ann Coulter books at Barnes and Noble.
4. I reach out. – I’m still not very good at this one. Depression tells you that you’re not good enough or important enough to talk to others. It makes you think no one cares and tells you that you’re burdening these “normal” people with your messed up brain. But that isn’t the case. There are people out there, that genuinely care about you and want to help you through what you’re dealing with. I am lucky enough to have two people who know exactly what I’m going through. I can talk to them about my darkest thoughts or my silliest ideas, and they know they can do the same with me.
5. I cuddle with a dog or one of my two cats. – Because, I mean, come on. They’re fluffy AF.