Yeah, I’m Just Bad at it.

This week it has come to my attention that I’m bad at making decisions. Like, I’m terrible at it. Not the tiny, stupid decisions, like where to eat or what to do that day, I’m a pro at those. Plus it annoys me to no end when people can’t figure out a place to eat. It really shouldn’t be that hard for at least one person to suggest something or for both people to just say what they really want!

But I digress. It turns out that I don’t trust my own thoughts or decision making process anymore. Maybe I made too many mistakes in the past or did too many things I regretted or didn’t do enough things and missed out on something, I’m not sure. What I do know is that now I’m constantly scared of making a mistake.

What if my mind changes?
What if I hurt someone?
What if this wasn’t a good idea?
What if I think it’s a bad idea now and it turns out to be a good one and I messed it up by going backwards and blahhhhhhh….

tHPhPWG

If there are multiple paths to happiness, if you can make yourself a good, happy life, that you enjoy in so many different places and times, how do you ever choose which one is right? How can fate even exist if there are so many choices and directions that nothing makes sense?

What if I become so paralyzed by this fear that I stop living and stop taking risks altogether?

I guess that last question is the most important. There might be a hundred different directions I could go, and I might be scared by the idea of messing up and taking a wrong step, but as long as I don’t become so afraid that I stop living and growing, maybe I’m doing it right after all.

shrug-gif
I’m giving myself bonus fake internet points for sneaking a gif of Angelina in here ❤

Shit now I actually have to figure out my life. 

Pic found at We Heart It ( I do not own this image)

So there are a couple of things I’ve learned this week or am in the process of learning…

1. Drivers in Austin are dicks. Seriously, the worst. 

2. It is the weirdest feeling to me to live in a place where people voluntarily go to visit. Like on vacation and stuff. They come here. On purpose. I run into tourists constantly, especially while driving for Lyft and it still boggles my mind. No one goes to Indiana for vacation. They go to visit family or for a job or some other random reason. Other than that, no one is planning their dream vacation and saving their money to go to Indiana. So that’s definitely an adjustment. 

3. Now that filming has finished up, I’m back to a “normal” type of schedule. Except I’m in a new city and have yet to actually establish a standard for normal. So that’s the biggest thing I’ve been learning, how to meet new people, deciding where I want to work and what schedule would be best, which meet ups I’d like to join, etc. I’m basically figuring out how to build a life from scratch, which is both intimidating and really exciting. I have the freedom right now to form a life that I actually enjoy and it’s an opportunity a lot of people don’t get in their lives. So, I’m trying to take advantage of it and make myself proud.