Musical Muse 4

Inspired by “Cuz baby I could build a castle, out of all the bricks they threw at me..” by Taylor Swift “New Romantics.”

I stood there naked

as her words cut

into my skin,

branding me

with their fire,

bruising me

with their force.

I stood there

clothed in hypocrisy

until her breaths

were too labored

to lob more poison

into my seeping wounds,

and I turned

and walked away.

Musical Muse 3

Inspired by “tryin’ to talk to a wall, but you can never tear it down for me..” -Halsey “now or never”

Dating you was like

trying to romance the Great Wall,

stone edges biting

into my soft palms,

twilight under the moon spent

whispering sweet nothings

into aerated pockets

of brick, breaths of dust,

swearing with a midnight kiss

I can fill your spaces

if you’d just let me in

but left whimpering from

a bloody mouth,

sagging against your

impenetrable blockade

sighing as I smear the blood

from my wounds into the rock

and finally limp away.

Musical Muse 2

halsey ghost

“My ghost, where’d you go? What happened to the soul that you used to be?”
-“Ghost,” Halsey

It’s hard to watch
the ice crystallize,
smother the smile
that lived in your eyes.
I should have kept
you from caving,
but I didn’t know
you needed saving.

Musical Muse

So, I’ve decided to start a new series on here, which I’ve nicknamed Musical Muse, because I’m clever like that. Basically, I’ll be posting poems that I’ve written that were in some way inspired by a certain lyric from a specific song.

Here’s the first one 🙂

I crept past the dragon
guarding your door,
tiptoed into the dark halls,
and began to search.

At first, there were only ghosts,
hiding in closets and
tucked under beds,
I dodged their rotting fingers.

Then i found the pictures,
your form just a blur,
and then the mask
you wore to meet me.

-And I knew it had never been real.

Inspired by “So I took an ax to a mended fence,” by Taylor Swift- “This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.”

Unexpected Closure

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Letting go

I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell my story, and why I felt such a need to tell it, for at least a year now. Nothing really seemed to work or feel right. At least until a certain concert I went to that inexplicably sparked something in my mind that caused the pieces to fall into place. Suddenly, I couldn’t stop writing. I’d been reminded of my roots, of the ways in which my voice is strongest, and it finally felt right, and safe, to say what I needed to.

In telling the story, I wasn’t sure what I hoped to accomplish. I just knew that it needed to come out, one way or another. A couple of nights ago, I finished the first draft of that story and I was surprised to feel not just nervous that people would actually be reading it soon, but also an overwhelming sense of peace. Peace and confidence and serenity that I haven’t felt in almost 5 years.

It will be 5 years since the assault happened next month. Every year I’ve done something on or around the university to take back my power of that day and try to prevent myself from succumbing to the painful memories that can sometimes surface. Last year, I forgot there was an anniversary at all, something I considered, and still do, a victory in and of itself.

This year it seems the anniversary will bring about a piece of work written in my blood and tears. It’s honestly probably the piece I’m most proud of to date. More importantly, writing it brought closure. I can’t tell you what it means to finally feel like I can close the door behind me on this chapter in my life when for years I didn’t think it would be possible to go more than a day without thinking about it, hurting from it.

But that’s what happened. When I came to the end of the word document that held everything I’d gone through…I felt closure. I felt like I can finally move on.

I’ve been wondering at times what the purpose in my coming to Texas was when I’m just going back home to Indy in March, but now I think I know. I needed this. I needed to get away from all of the monsters that held me hostage before, come to a new, untainted environment, and find my voice again.

And I did. I found it, and I’m proud of it, and I’m so incredibly happy that as some sort of miraculous bonus, I’ve finally found closure. I can finally go home feeling happier and lighter than I have in years, and I am so grateful and excited for this next chapter.

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Ready for the road home…

That Night

My iron doors,

soldered shut,

cracked wide and 

you danced your way in,

a siren calling down

my walls and filling

my empty spaces

with poetry I thought 

I’d never feel again.

And ever since

words have poured from me

like lava, forcing its way

into the world,

demanding

the earth reshape itself. 

Music Drunk

Stumbling through the streets of Austin,
music drunk on the sounds of Halsey,
eyes bright but nobody’s watching, lost
but found on this strange road I’m walking
alone, a thousand miles behind
me, nothing to tie me down, hold me.
So, I run this short distance full speed
ahead, focused, and fighting for more
days like this, where my head is quiet
and my heart is filled with music and
floods of words, begging to be let out.

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I don’t own this image!!

So, I’ve written little poems basically for as long as I’ve been writing, but I’ve never really thought much of it. Poetry was never a real career path to me, never had a future, and besides, maybe it’s terrible anyways. Even still, lately, since a certain concert last week, I’ve found myself scribbling those lines down again, jotting notes and counting syllables. I dunno, maybe it’s terrible and maybe there’s something to it. There are a few projects I’ve had in the back of my mind for quite a while now but haven’t been able to find a medium that feels right for them. But maybe…maybe I just did? Maybe I need to take the chance that it’s awful and just write it anyways and see where it takes me? Only one way to know.

Waiting

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I remembered you,
and the look in your eyes,
and the way things maybe didn’t end so bad.

For days I remember you,
and catch myself thinking of how I let it all go,
dreaming of empty space I wish you would come back to.

I remember but years separate us,
and my fingers slip through time when I reach for you,
grasping nothing but air on the other side.

I remember you and hope floods me,
and I throw caution to the wind,
pleading for something I never really deserved.

My pride aside, I keep remembering,
and I shout at the moon to reach you, talk you,
into maybe remembering me too.

 

pic credit:https://www.redbubble.com/people/patchoulipatch/works/6740414-unrequited-love